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New Balls Please, less of the short short shorts

June 23, 2017 Comments (0) Fit Bit Buzz

Get On Yer Bike – 7 Deadly Sins

Cycling Kit Faux Pas

With the Tour de France around the corner and summer (all 2 days of it) finally here, we look at some of the most serious crimes against cycling. Remember kids, it’s neither big nor clever.

Here are the 7 Deadly Sins…..

  • Pro Team Kit – a.k.a Full Kit (add expletive here)
  • Chris Froome and similar spend their life getting fit. Hours upon hours of horrendous training. Therefore, they are machines. Not a blob of fat to be seen, not even a smidge. You however are middle aged, like good ale and have things going south. Pro Team Lycra is therefore not a good look for you, EVER!

  • Excessive Hair
  • Sorry but if you will put your legs on show then get rid of the hair, that’s just the women! It probably slows you down anyway thanks to science. If you can plait it then it needs to go before you even think about cycling shorts.

  • Sleeveless Tops
  • Quite frankly these are pretty heinous worn anywhere let alone in a gym or on a bike. You really don’t have as big biceps as you think. Less glock and more water pistol. Plus underarm hair, grim. Hide that shizzle don’t flaunt it.

  • Aerodrome Gear
  • We have all seen the amazing indoor cycling for the Olympics etc and it is awesome. Awesome atmosphere, amazing tactics and all about finding that extra milli-second no matter what. That is why they have kit like they do. You however aren’t going to break the speed of light or fly and thus no need for speed gear such as helmets. Just write loser on your back instead. 

  • Padded  Arse Syndrome
  • Okay you get a sore arse, like really sore. Deal with it. Your body gets used to it after a few outings. Padded shorts are not the answer. You will look like a giant baby or that you need incontinence pads. Bad.

  • Multi-coloured Mirrored Oakley Sunglasses
  • Oakley glasses are unreal for sport and you have many options to pick. They give you choice, lots of it. That means avoid those multi-coloured rainbow effect ones with pearl mirror lenses. Tool alert.

  • Socks
  • Come on now, socks and shoes are dangerous if not addressed in the right manner. No ankle socks, no novelty socks and make sure they match.  


    Remember, images stay in minds for an age if disturbing enough. Don’t be the disturbing bit of that.

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