August 9, 2018 Comments (0) 24-Karat Yorkshire, Blow Out Buzz

Romancing the Shire – By Eck We’ve Got It

NUTS TO YOU MILLS and BOON

So the renowned and well established book company known for their serial novels for the lonely housewife (other stereotypes apply) and romanticist have put together the top 20 places in the UK for a bit of lovey dovey and maybe how’s your father. Not a single place in Yorkshire!

Frankly, you are wrong Booners and here is 20 reasons why…

1 RITA, SUE AND BOB TOO 

If you’ve seen this classic film shot in West Yorkshire then you’ll go all warm and fluffy inside. Nothing like a quickie in the back seat on’t moors, so they tell me!

2 TEQUILA

Okay, not created in Yorkshire but the Bradford band of legends, Terrorvision made it a worldwide hit. Nothing is more romantic than 20 tequilas or at least it stays that way in my beer goggled head rather than the cold stark reality of what just happened the night before.

3 YORKSHIRE’S THE FOOD OF LOVE

The Yorkshire Pudding, what a first date meal of delight. Why not share it Lady and the Tramp style and dribble gravy down each others chins.

And for you show boats money bags it has to be Betty’s for expensive, lengthy queues tab peak times, Great cake and coffee but even greater GDP of a small country ,

4 NATURAL SPAS

Harrogate boasts it’s natural spa preserved from the day it was opened as a cutting edge venue. If you like to sweat your face off whilst surrounded by liberal minded naked women (full nudity is optional and I go for the full on wet suit and cattle prod) then there is no better place.

5 GOTHS

If you like to smear black on your face, wear second-hand clothes and get all angst riddled often then you are probably a Goth. If so Whitby is the place and the Goth Weekend will be like pulling p;paradise.

6 BOTTLE BANKS

Yep, Barnsley gave you these badgers and many a baby has been conceived behind various ones in supermarkets and car parks. Romancing the wine right there.

7 THOMAS CRAPPER

The man mistaken for inventing the bog (other waste related thingy things he did) was born in Yorkshire. Bringing sexy back

8 BRONTE SISTERS

Up there with the literary greats, the Bronte sisters resided in Haworth. Get those juices loved up by discovering all the horrible diseases they contracted and died from

 

9 SEAN BEAN

Come on, the pin-up man for Yorkshire and Hollywood. Despite an array of mainly shite films, the ladies have formed an orderly queue.

10 BRIAN BLESSED

Voice like booming velvet, he is perhaps the greatest man ever to have lived and attempting to imitate said man using the phrase..’Gordon., he’s alive’ will make any lady come to papa.

11 RHUBARB TRIANGLE

yes the fruit that is borderline revolting and a right pain in the ass to get rid of in your garden just sums up relationships perfectly.

12 YORKSHIRE BEER

Yorkshire is home to 30+ real ale breweries, producing enough ales between them to give you a different pint and pull, so to speak, each night for at least six months. 

13 BOLTON ABBEY

Stunning abbey and scenery with a region famous river, beach area and infamous stepping stones. Nothing better than almost drowning your date or pushing off a kid on a date. Don’t do this kids, bad.

14 YORKSHIRE SCULPTURE PARK

Get your culture on and pretentious tossery made up art chat on at this world renowned sculpture park. Stroking chins…good, stroking anything else…arrested.

15 FREEDOM

Pretty big deal, slavery done and dusted thanks to Yorkshire own Wilberforce. That woos the ladiues every timne.

16 FERRETS

Let em loose up a trouser leg and you’ll never be single again. Ferret power.

17 GUY FAWKES

Forget his plot, we love big bangs (oh er) and shining things in the sky. By eck that’s romantic lass and lads

18 FLAT CAP

Paris isn’t the only city of love with their berets, we have flat caps and the lingo. ‘Will thee gown owt with us sen on’t moors? Nowt grander.’ Translation: Fancy a pleasant fumble on the moorland (us is a singular term in Yorkshire) as there is nothing finer.

19 ADE EDMONDSON

Bradford born and Bottom brilliant. Many a woman has swooned at a poor man’s Eddie and some bus surfing.

20 YOU’RE MY WIFE NOW

If you want to retrace the roots of The League of Gentleman as your tool of woo, you’ve probably got a conviction and your date should be very afraid. The local show for local people is drawn from South Yorkshire in location name rather than fully accurate description of us Yorkies!

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